The old collection

I went to my Mum's today, where I've been keeping my camera equipment for the past couple of years that I'd been neglecting them, and it struck me how many on the old boys and girls are not there anymore. The photo above shows my collection in 2011, I think, perhaps when it was at its peak. I have sold so many of them since. While I did keep the few precious ones, some of these here are dearly missed... and in my current state of obsessively buying whatever good offer the market brings me (no worries, this will pass in a week or two), I've been feeling... good. Like, so good I haven't felt in years. What the actual heck.

But I get it, I know why. It's not just the GAS fulfillment, it's not just the new items coming in in crashing waves, it's not just the gluttonous hoarder in me that's getting fed. It's more of a feeling of competence. I was quite far away from this for a while. I've always dabbled in some areas that are less tangible --be it culture studies, personality studies, even my occult interests --in recent years even more so than before. But that never feels like I can contain it, and even though I love making my way around and throughout these topics, it can be tedious, always having to make the way, rather than just tread it.

With cameras, I find, it's different. I know which lever to pull, which knob to twist and when, and why, and what for. I can't quite explain it to others --when it comes to technicalities, I'm a terrible teacher. All that I know and do is in the realm of the infamous silent knowledge. Using a camera has something intimate about it. It's a way of wordless conversing with an object, a negotiation of sorts. It's in the fingers and in the eyes, but rather far away from ever being vebalized. I'm sure many other photographers can relate to this. I find, curiously, it brings me joy. 

Perhaps that is why I collect and use old cameras: if there is just a snippet of control that I can have in the world, it seems to be in the making of a photograph. And what brittle control that even is.